Nicky Michael AKA Lazarus reflects on the value systems, experiences, relationships, and memories that create one’s sense of self and identity, exploring beyond the limitations of these fixed ideas through a journey of reclamation and self-discovery.
18 October – 9 November 2024
Nicky Michael AKA Lazarus
The alias Lazarus comes from the Biblical story before the plot to kill Jesus and His resurrection. Lazarus’ death, surrounding grief and, Jesus then resurrecting him, symbolised my own ‘death’ of my life in this world. Throughout my teenage years coming into adulthood, I felt dead in addictions, in faith, in my heart, and in my thinking. He saved me tho. I gotta give glory to Jesus for something I could never do. And for that reason and many more, I go by the alias Lazarus.
I grew up in my grandparents’ household that blended Urban, Roman Catholic, and Fa’a Samoa traditions. My family comes from a mix of backgrounds, but I mainly identify with my Samoan heritage.
My family comes from a mix of backgrounds, but I mainly identify with my Samoan heritage. Mum was raised in a Mormon household hailing from the village of Asau, Savai’i and, my dad was brought up Catholic from the village of Mulifanua, Upolu. I’m from here, chur. An abstract expressionist and mixed media artist, currently studying Automotive Engineering. My goal is to pursue a career in automotive refinishing, focusing on service and discipline for my community.
To Whom It May Concern
“To Whom It May Concern.” The beginning of every late or sick note my mum ever wrote for school. Signed only by her until my late teenage years. Where I realised I could forge these letters, excusing myself for anything I wanted. How could the school know? Apparently, they were holding on to earlier letters (the originals) and would compare them to the many notes they were receiving now (my fakes). In the fear of getting caught, I just looked at how everyone else was doing it.
They gave up on the notes and just accepted we would get detention. And then being stuck with said detention I would get mad and scheme to rebel yet again. It was a stupid cycle really, but that’s just what teenagers do. Or so I thought. Looking back (which I try not to) I just wanted someone to be concerned, but who would be after you lie so much?
The exhibition “To Whom It May Concern” highlights central moments of my teenage years to now, that reflect the inquisition of my identity: a young Samoan woman, a granddaughter, a daughter, family member, and a friend. Ultimately I aim to let go of the fixed idea of me being only these things. The multitudes of identities I believed myself only to be. And I never thought I was anything more.
Who was I beneath all of this? And who was I when I failed at being all of this? I lay out my thought process through cubism, surrealism, painting and sculpting, to draw the viewer’s curiosity. The scattered and yet, collectiveness of these works nod to one another, the real identity I fall under. A discovery I have just come to realise myself.
